Film connection.

I know, months ago I had promised not to make a post about photography here, but what can I do?, it’s part of my life.

Before the very tough end of December and almost all January I had some chance to load some film on a camera I had just acquired. Why film?, being used to shooting only digital for almost 12 years, getting back to film requires more attention from my mind, focusing more on what I want to include in the frame and what not, composing better, being more aware of light, being more in the present moment, something that is so refreshing for mind and soul, so good for mental health.

These few images are from the roll I used to test the camera so I was even more concentrated on the things I was doing to get consistent results and to use the most of the camera’s features. Since I haven’t had the chance to travel for several months now, I like to share with you this brief selection, most in line with the theme that gives more joy to my soul, little details of the closest to Nature I have at hand close to home.

If you want to see more of my photography, film or digital, please go to my photography blog.

Kodak Pro Img100 Test F28a_FuzzJuegaKodak Pro Img100 Test F26a_FuzzNmesaKodak Pro Img100 Test F18a_PapayoKodak Pro Img100 Test F17a_Mano&chilesKodak Pro Img100 Test F16a_HueFritos

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Peace for the soul.

Hot or cold, in wet and windy weather, being in the presence of the true divinity: Nature.

Scenes like this I always find so, so enjoyable, immersing myself into the deepest connection with life, some solace time to hear the true voices of my inner self.

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Almost normal. The struggle of going out.

Almost normal, like the life of everyone else.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying this, should I?

Mind and body playing tricky games with me lately, many of the things that should be on track are stuck, holidays are over, so the machine should be on full throttle right? Even here on the blog some posts should be already published by now, and they’re still pending… Inspiration, concentration, focus, energy, not very much on my side lately.

Now to the point.

Solitude, which turns into loneliness easily is something my psycho doc and my therapist have told me to strongly avoid. The latter has said: “don’t get locked at home, go out with some friends, to the movies, to museums, for a walk at a nice park…”. The idea is not bad at all, not so practical though: closer to where I live aside a few shopping malls there’s not much action, for that the Centro Historico (Downtown), Coyoacan or the areas between and close around from there are the way to go; talking about culture and art this area nearby is metaphorically speaking, dead really.

Not only that, I used to go to train rope access techniques one, two, or even three times weekly, the place is across the city from home, which can take, making use of suburban bus and subway, on the short, at least 1:45 hours, on the long, close to 3 hours!

I did it for years, never reluctantly, never feeling public transportation was not good enough for me, going training or other places, by myself.

Since late November 2016, for those who haven’t read about it here on this blog, when that bad depression and anxiety relapse came, the first months I remained locked at home with the exception of going with the doctor or the therapist, by car or with the aid of Uber once, just a few subway stations, picked up by friends and family on the way home. A couple of months later the idea of getting into the subway was still not pleasing at all, but I had to anyway.

Long before the darkest months, more than a year I think, taking the subway meant a small degree of uneasy, kind of anxious sensations, something to deal with… After the falling though it turned into a dark, confusing experience, a sordid trail. The long waits for the train to arrive, minute after minute after minute of facing somber thoughts and anxiety while surrounded, pushed, crushed by human masses, loud, really loud noises, the overwhelming load of people coming and going, chatting here and there, guys with huge loudspeakers selling “music”… unbearable cacophony…

Some degree of recovery has allowed me to go inside the dark alleys again but the fact is that getting in there is still not nice at all for me, so I try not to take the plunge that route. For months I’ve stayed at home most of the days, for me going out is a possibility of finding restlessness and exposing myself to very stressful moments, wether facing the city traffic while driving or making use of the “Metro” as we call Mexico City’s subway the sensory overload is something I’m not so used to anymore. In fact some have invited me to join them going making photos, to chat for a few hours or the like and I’ve had to decline more than once since the experience is not pleasing for me, nor is very healthy.

For long I’ve wanted to share this very short series of images of what that experience has been for me. I carry a camera almost everywhere I go, images are an easier way for me to communicate what I feel or think so I portrayed some of those anguishing moments months ago. The images are from February 2016.

New year, no resolutions.

The holidays are over, now we’re well into starting the new 2018. There were some moments of joy, sharing with a few friends and my closest relatives, for which I should be thankful.

In the latest weeks though my issues with depression and to some degree with anxiety have not been lucky at all, it has really struck me down very hard. As of today, I feel very weak, and not much in the like of eating, exercising or doing other things, in fact I do feel the holidays are: OVER, BACK TO REALITY.

In that mood for this new year I’ve made no resolutions, no goals list, all I hope for, all I really wish is that my mental health issues get better, and my photography projects get more on the nice path. I hope I will get to feel better, and then I’ll have time and energy to think about some nice resolutions. First I must gain some of the weight I’ve lost between December 31 and today:

Not bad for a guy 1.75 meters tall, not good at all either.

Next, my visual interpretation of that return to reality, after some moments of light a few days ago:

With all of this aside, I do wish you a very bright 2018 full of inner peace, health and success!!

Sparks igniting the warmth of the Holiday season.

Among darkness the light shines brighter. During the past few weeks I didn’t make much connection with the Christmas spirit, inside some of the bitter cold that have left the hard times I went through several weeks repeatedly along the year was still very much present in my soul and, though feeling that way is something I don’t like at all, it was a fact, and not a lot to do about it.

A few days ago a really dearest person invited me to go to a Mexican posada, a festive gathering to celebrate the journey of Virgin Mary and Jose to Bethlehem for the birth of Jesus. The songs, the breaking of the piñata, the lights, those bright and sparkling lights burning… I started to feel some very nice joy, a very warm, enjoyable joy. All of that united to get myself , my soul, my heart, into the vibe of the season.

May this holiday season, whatever you believe in, bring a lot of warmth to you and your beloved ones’s lives.

Best wishes, and Merry Christmas!!!

Un espinoso lugar…

No, no subo hasta el cielo, ni se ha roto la jaula…

Eslabones de infames cadenas aglutinados por sangre y pellejo en algo que se parece a un cuerpo mantienen el soplo vital de millones de células tercas, soplo que ancla mi existencia a lo terreno, a lo no sublime, a las miserias humanas… ja!, “humanas”…

…las horas, los minutos, cada uno una disyuntiva entre dos planos…

Pesados andrajos de carne y sombras, dilúyanse , evapórense en pencas de maguey, transmuten en vapores de savia y dejen atrás las espinas de ese espinoso lugar…

…ese lugar llamado vida…

The greatest possible happiness.

“…You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer.

If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer…”

V. W.

A foot in front of the other 

Is it possible to see the light after being crawling into darkness?

It’s been about a year since a mind collapse struck me the hardest in November 2016 after almost another previous year the symptoms that something wrong was about to happen were arising. I’ve learnt so many things, I’ve been through several ups and downs, feeling better and then relapsing… at times I’ve felt as if I could fly, at times I remember that even placing one foot in front of the other is like hauling around a ton of iron chains…

Photography has been a translator of my mind and soul during the hardest times, in the following days I will be sharing here and on my personal instagram account a sort of photo essay which includes many of the images that tell my journey.

If the rain was not enough… a shaken reality.


I made this image on the streets close to the downtown of Mexico City at the end of August. Just a street scene. At first I just liked the aesthetic feel that blur gives the image, in line with my not always so sharp connection with the people, the city. Now, after the earthquake of last September 19 it takes on a fuller, deeper meaning, now it’s not just me. In this city and many other smaller cities and towns in nearby states everyday life, everyday’s news, everyone’s world, suddenly it all faded, the underground has shattered our sense of reality, to be never again the same.

Still some of winter remains in August

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Now the summer is full on. Greens are everywhere, rainy nights, beautiful mornings, still inspired by a music album by great icelandic composer Ólafur Arnalds, from whom I’ve come to know and listen his great music in the recent months, I have the ability to realise that there is some of the past Winter roaming in my bones, in my thoughts…

At times, the colours are not so bright, the Sun shines outside, but my skin filters some of its light and warmth…

An hour and a half for feet fixing.

How long can it take to take care of a few toe nails?

No, my blog has not turned into a fashion-lifestyle kind of blog!!!

Simple life events can take on a new level in the mind and heart when seen in context. In a recent article I paid homage to my brother’s endurance and everyday strength coping with the sequels of his motorcycle accident long ago with a series of images from I think 2006 until the recent months. In a way, this is a follow up of 27 later.

The event that triggered the idea, well, what really put it in motion, ’cause the idea has been rolling in my mind for years, is the minutes I spent with him in one of his frequent visits to my parents’s house, where he spends one or two nights almost every week when his work implies him to visit some clients in Mexico City (my brother lives in Cuernavaca’s suburbs ) or further ahead to the north of the country, and in that way he can spend some time with us. On a morning at the beginning of last December he was taking the time needed to take care of his feet in order to still be able to walk, and get them rid of hard skin and calluses from certain areas, and mainly from his toe tips that are a consequence of some deformations caused by the way he walks since he had that awful accident 27 years ago. The task is by no means easy, and it takes time, he even has to be answering calls from his office and clients in the meantime!!

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For the majority going through feet care is nothing extraordinary, and what really struck me the deepest that morning (not that I don’t think about it every time I watch my brother struggling harder) is the extra effort and time that takes for him something most people take so easily for granted, something so easy as walking.

As I said  before, my brother’s spirit for life is a great inspiration for me, and when he comes and stays here it seems that days are clearer! When I made those pictures that day I was really deep into darkness, in a state of constant fear and confusion because of depression and anxiety even though I was already under the watch of a psychiatrist and a psychologist working in therapy. And again, he was here with his everyday life, so I was a little better, and to complement that, since one of my best therapies is photography I was carrying my camera here and there, and when I contemplated the scene, my brother’s actions, the light entering his room and falling on him, reflecting on what was going on at those moments, being more sensitive as I am, especially in times of mental crisis like that one, I grabbed some slices of that reality, from those I made a selection, which I’m really glad to share here.

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Feet fixing 3

Feet fixing 1

I’m so fortunate to make use of camera and images to deal with the world around me!!

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